Ravenpaw's Café
by Sivillian
Summary: It's hard to find a good place to have a cup of coffee after a long day of patrols and hunting for your Clan. It really is. That's why Ravenpaw established his own café. It's a place where there is no default Clan rivalry. It's a place where every cat is welcome whether they are evil, good, a loner, rogue, warrior, or a medicine cat. Come and watch drama unravel!
1. Ravenpaw's Intro (plus Menu!)

**Ravenpaw's Café**

Summary: It's hard to find a good place to have a cup of coffee after a long day of patrols and hunting for your Clan. It really is. That's why Ravenpaw established his own café. It's a place where there is no default Clan rivalry. It's a place where every cat is welcome whether they are evil, good, a loner, rogue, warrior, or a medicine cat.

Ravenpaw's Introduction and Menu

"Welcome to Ravenpaw's Café!" The black loner meowed, dipping his head in greeting. "I am Ravenpaw the loner. I was once a ThunderClan apprentice, but I left my birth Clan to pursue my dreams: becoming a coffee shop manager!"

Ravenpaw leads you into the cozy store. It's lit with dim lamps that give off a calming atmosphere. There are rustic chairs accompanied by tables by every window. The counter and cash register are cleaned own to a shiny slate. A certificate of the health code and scoring for Ravenpaw's Café is placed in a wooden frame on the back wall. A big "A" is stamped clearing on the table.

"Oh that health score?" Ravenpaw noticed you looking at the health certificate. "It's nothing. I wake up each dawn to make sure no flea ever sees the inside my store!" He clenches his paws determinedly. "Some of the cats who come in here are flea-ridden, but I don't sleep until every bug is cracked."

It's convincing. There's no doubt that you could eat off the floor without . Not that you'd want to right? He really keeps a clean shift around here!

"Well, we haven't much business today." Ravenpaw shrugged, padding over behind the counter. "So what would you like to today? It's on the house."

He hands you an extensive menu riddled with words.

* * *

|**Welcome to Ravenpaw's Cafe (Menu)**  
|**Drinks:  
**|Hot Coco  
|Barley's Barn Roast  
|Blackstar's Black Coffee  
|Ravenpaw's Original Coffee Blend  
|Cup of Puddle Water  
|Icecloud's Ice-tea  
|Mothwing's Faux-Omen Brew  
|Chamomile Tea  
|Onestar's Invisible Soda  
|Thyme Tea  
|Kestrelflight's Herbal Tea  
|Juniper Cappuccino  
|Yellowfang's Deathberry Energy Drink  
|Coffee with extra Catfeine  
(Extra cream and sprinkles: one mouse-tail)

|**Foods:**  
|Moonflower's Moon-Pies  
|Darkstripe's "Surprise"  
|Berrynose's Berry Biscuits  
|Yarrow Cookies  
|Brindleface's Sweet Revenge Hot Dogs  
|Snookpaw's Kibble  
|Firestar's Flaming Hot Thrush Wings  
|WindClan Brand: Rabbits  
|RiverClan Brand: Fish  
|Foxleap's Roasted Foxlegs  
|Goosefeather's Soup  
|Honeyfern's Honey'd Ferns  
|Snowkit's Deep-Fried Hawk Wings  
|ShadowClan Brand: Lizards  
|"StarClan That's Good" Cookies  
|Sorreltail Sorrel Salad  
|Fresh-Steamed BloodClan rats  
|Scourge's Blood Cookies  
|Purdy's Assorted Chocolates  
|Catnip Cake  
|Russetfur Potatoes

* * *

You point your tail to the chamomile tea and Darkstripe's "Surprise", whatever that is. Ravenpaw nods and begins to type the order into the register. You noticed something on the menu and narrow your eyes at the small print under the "Surprise" item.

The label reads: Ravenpaw, owner of Ravenpaw's Cafe, is not responsible, nor is Darkstripe, for any cat who becomes injured, killed, or contracts an illness from consuming Darkstripe's "Surprise".

You quickly change your mind and order a Moonflower Moon-Pie. The loner nods understandingly and tightens his tomly apron. He types out the order and writes down a note on your receipt.

As you wait for Ravenpaw to fetch the pies and tea, you notice the dusk sky turn black with rain from outside the cozy, rustic store. Then, white tendrils of mist start to creep towards the windows from the woods. A pair of amber and blue eyes blaze from the darkness. It sends chills down your spine.

The eyes come closer and closer. The owners' bodies are dark silhouettes in the fog. Suddenly, a kittypet bell rings from the door hinges as it swings open. A gust of ice-cold air blows through your pelt. Ravenpaw, however, remains unfazed.

"Welcome to Ravenpaw's Cafe." The black loner meowed as he carried a tray with pies that sparkled like the Moonstone. "The regular?"

You turn on your paws to see two massive toms with broad shoulders and matching tabby pelts. Tigerstar and Hawkfrost!

"Yes, the regular." Tigerstar confirmed.

Ravenpaw pushes the tray towards you over the counter after pouring some tea in a cup and handing it to you. You pick it up and watch the two Dark Forest cats from the corner of your eye as you find a place to sit by a window.

"That's six mouse-tails." Ravenpaw mewed as he carried two cans to the dark brown tabbies. A picture of an old gray cat surrounded by deathberries with lightning bolts in the background are plastered on the cans. Tigerstar slams a pawful of mouse-tails on the counter.

"Keep the change." He said gruffily as he gulped down the semi-poisonous (but extremely reguvinating) drink.

Hawkfrost popped the lid off of his can with one sharp fang. The can hissed and a purple wisp floated out. Who could drink that stuff? The handsome blue-eyed tom swallowed every drop in a single slurp.

You chew your pie slowly as Ravenpaw wipes the splattered counter down with an old rag. The black tom looks up at his former mentor and terror. "Nice doing business with you. Have a good day."

Tigerstar smiled like an evil flower before turning on his heels and padding out of the store. Hawkfrost belched and followed after his father.

"You come 'ere often?" An old slurred voice says from the shadows, making your head to around.

An old mottled brown elder tom sits alone at a table next to the dirtplace doors. He has multiple cups of Blackstar's black coffee. He summons you with a flick of his tail. Cautiously, you approach him. The 'stranger danger' training your mother gave you as a kit starts to kick it

"Name's Purdy." He mews. "You're a pretty she-cat. Oh.. Are you a tom? I can't tell with my old eyes."

You feel offended by Purdy's assumption of you being an opposite gender cat than you really are.

"Let me give you an opinion about this cafe here I read in a newspaper." Purdy starts to ramble about a sudden and random topic, abandoning his cougar flirting.

He picks up a raggedy piece of paper and startes to read with squinted eyes.

"This here paper reads: Ravenpaw's Café is the best coffee shop the Clans have ever known. There are no reasons for there to be Clan rivalry since Ravenpaw isn't in a Clan. It is very good for..."

The old tom starts to fall asleep. You grab the paper and read it for yourself. It's a copy of Queen's Gossip. The article is written by Nightcloud:

"Ravenpaw's Café is the best coffee shop the Clans have ever known. There are no reasons for there to be Clan rivalry, for the store owner and manager, Ravenpaw, isn't a member of any Clan. It is a very good place to chat with your girlfriends, argue with your ex-mate over custody of your kits, and lounge about after a long day of patrols. All cats of the Clans and Twolegplace are welcomed with open paws into Ravenpaw's Café. There's lots of yummy treats and drinks and references to our books. The only rules are: No fighting, no prejudice, and always tip your brewer!

"Hey, sorry to bug you." Ravenpaw mews sheepishly, making you look up from Purdy's newspaper. "It's closing time."

[Next Chapter: Spottedleaf and Sandstorm go out for some tea to discuss some things]  
[Special thanks to BigSmileyFace for menu items!]


	2. Sandstorm and Spottedleaf

**Ravenpaw's Café**

_Spottedleaf and Sandstorm_

* * *

The brown dappled tortieshell she-cat tapped her small white paws impatiently on the small round table. _Sandstorm was supposed to be here moons ago!_ Spottedleaf had only been waiting for a few minutes, but it felt like she had been waiting moons for Sandstorm to show up.

She took a sip of tea when she spotted the light ginger enter the store. The medicine cat waved her tail in greeting. Sandstorm nodded and padded over to the table. They had things to discuss.

"Hello, Spottedleaf," Sandstorm meowed curtly.

"Hello, Sandstorm," Spottedleaf forced a smile, secretly clenching her paws under the table.

Sandstorm pulled the chair out and took a seat. The two she-cats stared at each other for a moment. The other she-cat's presence caused them both to feel very, very, VERY awkward.

"Um, why don't I go get you something to drink?" Spottedleaf suggested, happy to walk away from the ginger for a moment. She rocked back and forth on her heels in line.

The two she-cats had decided to meet up in Ravenpaw's Café to discuss a few things. Mostly about Firestar. Spottedleaf looked back the warrior. She had taken out her cell and was texting someone. Probably Firestar.

The tortie growled and shuffled closer to the counter as the line moved along. She then noticed that Dovewing and Bumblestripe were holding paws in front of her.

"Dovewing," Spottedleaf tapped her shoulder. "Can you try to hear what Sandstorm is texting?"

"Are you crazy?" The white she-cat flicked her ears.

"It's a good crazy." She insisted.

"Fine." Dovewing growled at the persistant medicine cat. She pricked her ears toward Sandstorm. She listened to the sounds each button made as it was pressed. Each buton had a slightly different sound. "She's texting Firestar. She's saying 'Meet u at Red Robinwing 4 dinnr.'" Then Dovewing listened for more of the message, but Ravepaw yelled out "Brokentail!" causing her to flinch.

"Ugh, we come to talk about Firestar and she's texting Firestar!" Spottedleaf growled, not caring about Dovewing's damaged ears.

"They're mates, Spottedleaf." Dovewing said before turning around.

Spottedleaf mumbled insults about the star-holding-in-paws she-cat before digging in her pockets for mouse-tails. She was finally at the front of the line.

Ravenpaw wiggled his nose at the very-angry-scent Spottedleaf was giving off. "What can I do for ya today, Spottedleaf?"

"One thyme tea." She growled. She looked up at the menu again. Ravenpaw shuddered at the malicious smile that shadowed over Spottedleaf's face. "And one order of Darkstripe's 'Surprise'."

"That'll be three mouse-tails." Ravenpaw said as he punched out a reciept. "It'll only take a few minutes."

Spottedleaf handed them over happily. She dropped a few in the tip jar before returning to her table where Sandstorm had her dirty paws on top of.

"I ordered you some tea. He said it'll only be a moment." Spottedleaf meowed politely as she took her seat.

"Thanks." Sandstorm shrugged as she tucked her cell phone away. "So what is it."

"It's about Firestar." Spottedleaf said, crossing her arms.

"You know what, Spottedleaf?" The ginger slammed her paws on the table. Sandstorm proceeded to start yelling a slew of insults at the tortieshell.

Lionblaze and Cinderheart, who sat just fox length away from them, quickly covered their kits ears. "Grandmother!" Lionblaze pleaded. "Stop saying that in front of my kits."

Icecloud, who was working behind the counter with Ravenpaw, murmured something as she poured ice-tea from a machine for Dovewing. More and more cats stopped munching on prey and sipping drinks as the two she-cats yowled and argued.

"This is totes going on YouTail!" A RiverClan apprentice mewed with a raised camera.

"Forbidden and not-forbidden love triangle! This is going in my next book." A snickering cat in a fedora said.

Sandstorm opened her mouth real wide and slowly yelled a single insulting word. The whole café was silenced. Every cat froze. "You're a-"

"Jayfeather!" Ravenpaw called out, signaling the blind tom that his coffee was ready, and saving the other cats and the kits ears.

Suddenly, a firy ginger tom padded into the store with a gray tom by his side. Spottedleaf let Sandstorm yell obscanities at her as Firestar walked over to them slowly and confusedly. The other cats in the shop turned away and began whispering and murmuring, making Firestar and Graystripe more confused as Sandstorm looked at them nervously.

"Why did you call Spottedleaf such a fox-hearted name?" The red tom asked. He loved his wife, but was insulting his secret ex-girlfriend going to get them anywhere?

"She still loves you!" Sandstorm wailed, pointing a claw at the she-cat.

"Come on, let's go." Lionblaze muttered. He picked up his kits and left the store with Cinderheart. Firestar watched his kin leave and looked up to see Ravenpaw stadning over them.

"This is the last whisker!" Ravenpaw growled. He pointed his paw at his old friends. "Get out of my café please."

Spottedleaf drooped her tail, realizing she had paid for a drink and didn't get it yet. But Ravenpaw hussled them out of the café.

Graystripe slipped away from the three quarrelling cats. He just wanted something good to eat for StarClan's sake! He went over to the ordering counter, where the line was empty, and looked at the menu. Ravenpaw apologzed to the whole crowd of cats and went back to his place behind the counter. Graystripe put down the menu. "I'll have three of Moonflower's pies... Some of those revenge hot dogs or whatever... yeah, like five hot dogs... and an order of Russettfur Potatoes with extra cream."

"That'll be thirty-six mouse-tails." Ravenpaw chuckled as he wrote down his friend's big order.

"Thirty-six!" Graystripe handed over the money reluctantly. He glanced at the tip jar but didn't put a single mouse-tail in.

"What? No tip?"

"Well, I-"

"Get out of my café please."

Graystripe didn't even get a refund. He trudged out of the store empty-pawed and empty-bellied. The warrior suddenly wished he had read the sign on the door that said, "Rules: No fighting, no prejudice, and always tip your brewer."

He then heard angry yowling from the alley next to the store where BloodClan usually slept. Graystripe bounded away, scared that Scourge was lurking in the darkness.

But it was just Spottedleaf, Sandstorm, and Firestar.

* * *

**Sigh...**

**Please give me suggestions for menu items. Honestly, those menu items are badger-stinky. I didn't put much thought into them.**

**Also, please suggest some cats and situations for Ravenpaw's Café!**

**I usually don't write like this and my humor is very, very... dry.**


	3. Daisy and Spiderleg

Ravepaw's Cafe

_Daisy and Spiderleg_

* * *

"Spiderleg," The cream-colored queen greeted her ex-boyfriend.

The black tom plunked himself into a chair. His long legs stretched out under the table, touching his paws to hers. It made Daisy's heart ache. They played pawsies a lot when they were together.

"What do you want, Daisy?" He sighed, rubbing his temples with his paws. "And, no, I don't want to get back together if that's what you wanted to talk about."

"Never," Daisy gasped. She'd never get back together with such a meanie! "It's about our kits, Rosepetal and Toadstep."

"What about them?" Spiderleg growled. "When they visit my den I always have enough fresh-kill! I even go out of my way to get grilled frogs for Toadstep."

"Well," Daisy rolled her shoulders uncomfortably. "I want full custody of them. I don't want you to see them anymore. You're not a real father to them."

"What!?" He growled.

Daisy sighed as her mouse-brained ex obviosuly did not understand what she was saying. "Let me go get us a bite to eat. You wait here." Maybe a little food will clear things up.

Daisy padded over to the line of cats waiting to order. Rosepetal and Toadstep, her youngest kits, were warriors. But according to the laws of StarClan, they still had to visit their other parent until they were super old and stinky. Unless, of course, Daisy could get full custody of them. She felt so lonely when they were gone every other weekend!

She looked up at Ravenpaw, realizing that it was her turn to order. "Sorry. I'd like a few... Uh..."

Daisy began to mumble. Ravenpaw leaned down closer to hear her. The queen looked up at him, shocked to have his face so close. Her heart began to ache again. She had loved Spiderleg, only to find that he was a mouse-brained fox-heart meanie face! She had loved Cloudtail, but his ugly mate, Brightheart, smothered the dreams of her and the white warrior of ever being together. She had loved Smoky. She still thought about him. She would think of him when Berrynose and her grandkits would come to visit. She would think of him when she saw a loner.

She was thinking of the tom she had ever truly loved as she stared into Ravenpaw's amber eyes. She became lost in the swirling colors of orange and gold. They were eyes she had never seen before. Cleverness, politeness, chivalry, patience, kindness, bravery, courage, honesty, and loyalty blazed in the pools of amber. Had Daisy fallen in love with Ravenpaw, the coffee shop owner?!

Let's hope not!

"Um, I'd like to order two baskets of hawk wings." The queen stammered.

"Coming right up." Ravenpaw purred. He began typing out a receipt and order.

"Oh, can you write your number on there, too?" She pointed a paw at the leafy paper.

"Um..." The black loner ducked his head in shyness. "That'll be seven mouse-tails."

Daisy stared blankly at his handsome face as she pocketed over the mouse-tails. Ravenpaw picked up the receipt from the typer and wrote his number on it.

He passed it over the counter to her. Daisy felt content with "728-367-2233 (ravenscafe)" scribbled on it. She looked up at the cute loner to see a spot of sauce on his green apron.

"Let me get that for you." Daisy meowed less cutely and more crazily. She leapt over the counter and wiped his chest with her paw.

"Huh!?" Ravenpaw stared at her wide-eyed as the queen tried to paw off a stain.

"Get offa him." Icecloud, Ravenpaw's only _loyal _employee(*cough, cough, Ashfur*), murmured as she pushed Daisy back over the counter. "He's not yours."

"Huh?" Ravenpaw looked down at the young white she-cat. "Thanks...?"

Daisy scrunched up her nose. "Oh well. Can't hurt to try!" She dropped a pawful of mice-tails in the tip jar and went back over to Spiderleg.

"Don't mention it..." Icecloud said to her manager as she blushed. Her blue eyes and face were stoic betraying the intense feelings she felt for Ravenpaw.

"I ordered the Snowkit's Hawk Wing basket things." Daisy muttered as she sat back down across from her ex.

"So you wanted full custody of our kits?" Spiderleg put a paw on his chin, sucking them back into the heated conversation from before."

"Yes. You don't deserve to see them." Daisy meowed bitterly.

The black tom sighed heavily. "They're my kits, too."

"You'll see them around. We're all in ThunderClan you know." She said. _But if I marry Ravenpaw, I won't._

"Fine. I grant you full custody. I didn't like 'em very much anyway." Spiderleg shrugged.

"How dare you!" Daisy screeched.

She leapt across the table with claws unsheathed. She landed on the table instead of Spiderleg. Her plump belly was making the table creek under her weight. She tried to stretch out and slash at the frog-heart. How dare he brake up with her for having kits! How dare he complain about his kits! HOW DARE HE INSULT HER KITS!

But unfortunately, the round queen looked like a fish, trying to swim on land and not moving anywhere.

"Daisy!" Icecloud called as the hawk wings were ready to be picked up.

Spiderleg chuckled as he walked away from the stranded Daisy. He took BOTH baskets of wings and left the café. Daisy was frothing by the mouth. Who knew a lazy queen could be so furious?

"This is totes gonna be my FacePaw avater!" A shrilly apprentice giggled, snapping a photo of Daisy on the table. She instantly uploaded it to the Kitternet.

"#Likes!" Another apprentice squealed, pressing the paws-up button under the picture.


	4. Cherrypaw and Sweetpaw

**Ravenpaw's Café**

_Sweetpaw and Cherrypaw (and Tigerheart and Scourge)_

* * *

"Oh my StarClan, like," Sweetpaw, the little tortie she-cat, started babbling as she tapped her phone furiously. "My, like, phone is so slow!"

"Yeah, like, I think Bumblestripe is hogging up all the café's free wi-fi and kitternet!" The fluffy ginger apprentice, Cherrypaw, whined.

Sweetpaw rolled her shoulders and scrolled through her FacePaw page. "Oh my StarClan, why do people keep 'licking' my pictures of Sandstorm and Spotted-, like, -leaf fighting?"

"Because it's like so juicy!" Cherrypaw squealed, logging on to her multiple FacePaw accounts to make the licks on Sweetpaw's photo go up.

"Hey," Sweetpaw suddenly put her phone down and prodded her friend. "Look at that tom over there."

Sitting by himself like a stoic lone wolf, was a dark brown tabby tom with bright amber eyes. He sipped his black coffee in one paw, and in the other paw, was holding a book that seemed to be called 'How to Get Over That She-Cat From the Other Clan'.

"Ooooh, Cherrypaw likes." The ginger purred. "Wait! I think that's Tigerheart!"

"Are you sure? He looks like Bramblestar to me."

"You'd go out with Bramblestar?! Like ew!" Cherrypaw mewed amber vwide eyes.

"Yeah, I guess. I hope it's Tigerheart then." Sweetpaw brushed her paw through her pelt.

"I kind of hope not." Cherrypaw frowned, pressing the dis-lick button on Tigerheart's FacePaw page.

"Why, like, not?" Sweetpaw meowed. She pulled on her claw as she stared at the tabby.

"Because he, like, went out with Dovewing, my cousin." Cherrypaw explained to her friend. "Then he cheated on her with her sister, Ivypool. It's like so gross! Don't talk to him."

"I'm gonna go to talk to him!" Sweetpaw decided, ignoring her friend's pleas.

The tortie padded over to the lonely tabby. He looked down at the cute apprentice. She looked up at the handsome warrior.

He opened his mouth to speak, but then his cell phone suddenly started to ring. Sweetpaw frowned and watched him bring it up to his ears.

"Hello? D-Dovewing?" Tigerheart's eyes widened in shock. "You sound funny. Are you sick? No? You're crying because you broke up with Bumblestripe again? Really? You want to get back together? You bet!"

Tigerheart hung up and threw his in his tombag and stood up. He rushed out the door to find Dovewing. In his hustling, he spilled some coffee on Sweetpaw's pelt.

The gloomy apprentice trudged back over to Cherrypaw.

"Oh, Yellowfang, we'll be together forever," Raggedstar meowed as he held the old medicine cat's paws.

Sweetpaw pushed the ShadowClan cats into the cookie display case as she rage-walked back to her table. She plunked down in her chair, faintly aware of the calateral damage she left in a wake behind her.

"Yeah, hi, Dovewing," Cherrypaw mewed into her phone. "Lock your doors; Tigerheart is coming for a visit. Yeah, it's my fault. Sorry, Dovey!"

Cherrypaw clicked the phone and looked up at Sweetpaw.

"Wut."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Sweetpaw," Cherrypaw sighed, patting her galfriend on the back. "But you can do better than that nasty ol' Tigerheart!"

"But we looked each oth-other in the ey-eye! It was love at f-first sight!" Sweetpaw cried into the ginger's shoulder.

"Hey, I'll go buy a package of yarrow cookies, like, okay?" Cherrypaw gave her a concerned look.

"Y'okay, thanks." Sweetpaw sniffled, wiping a paw over her drippy nose.

Cherrypaw went over to the cookie display, which was only shattered slightly by Yellowfang's butt. "Icecloud, plz!" She waved the busy she-cat over.

Icecloud pulled a cute little plastic gingham bag tied with a ribbon out of the counter. She handed it over to the peppy apprentice who, in exchange, gave her a few mouse-tails.

"Keep the change!" Cherrypaw winked at the white she-cat as she took the cookies back to Sweetpaw. "This'll cheer ya up, like, totes."

Sweetpaw gave her a weak smile. She tore open the bag and bit into the brittle cookie flecked with green yarrow leaves.

Cherrypaw laughed eeevillyyyy. She picked up her phone and got the camera ready.

Sweetpaw, eyes red and watery; nose blowing snot bubbles; fur matted with despair, took a big bite of the yarrow cookie. Her eyes shot open bigger than one of Blackstar's paws. Crumbs spewed from her jaws and the biggest, nastiest, slimiest snot bubble blew out of her nose.

Cherrypaw cackled as she snapped a perfect picture. It instantly uploaded to FacePaw. In a matter of seconds, the whole cafe was laughing as their phones beeped with an update for Cherrypaw's page. After a few moments the picture got almost, like, 1,000 licks! That's, like, how many characters are in the series.

* * *

Epilogue

Deep in the alley next to Ravenpaw's cafe, BloodClan henchcats lurked around catching rats and gobbling up crumbs. Sweetpaw, who had been made fun of all over the kitternet and had been dubbed as "Sweatpaw" for some reason, found herself wandering into the dark alley.

She heard claws scraping against stone, filthy creatures scutteling through dank puddles, and the murmuring of ragged outcasts. But the tortie did not care. She was a social disater now. Laughed and pointed at by the tiniest of kits, she decided to run away forever. Or at least until the next Spidercat movie came out.

"Hello, little kittie," A shrill but menacing voice meowed. A pair of yellow shining eyes stared at her from behind a trash can.

"Who are y-you?" Sweetpaw finally became scared.

"Scourge," The tiny tom said, stepping into a dim shaft of light. "Leader of BloodClan. And president of BloodClan brand rats."

Then other cats crawled out from boxes, from under the sewer lid, and from behind garbage buckets. Cats by the name of Bone, Ice, Snake, and others Sweetpaw didn't recognize surrounded her and left her no chance to escape.

"Hey," Ice mewed. "That's the kitty from the kitternet... Oi, Sweatpaw is it?"

"My name's Sweetpaw!" The tortie mewed furiously. "Are you cats gonna laugh at me too?"

"No," Scourge shook his head, makig the dog teeth on his collar rattle. "I know what it's liked to be laughed at. We want you to join BloodClan, Sweetpaw. Leave society and join us. We'll slash any cat's throat who dare mock you."

"Deal." Sweetpaw nodded.

Then Sweetpaw came up to Scourge and with a quick, surpring swipe, his collar was off. She jumped up onto their tower of soggy boxes. She looped the dog-toothed collar around her own name.

"BloodClan! Bow down before your new leader!" She yowled.

The toms all bowed under her beautifulness.

"Good," She smiled. "Mwahahaha! I am Sweetpaw and I will take over the Clans!"

She took a selfie and posted it on FacePaw.


	5. Silverstream and Millie

**Ravenpaw's Cafe**

_Silverstream and Millie_

* * *

The beautiful young tabby she-cat negotiated with Ravenpaw to let her have 50% on her purchase. The loner agreed to maker her twenty mouse-tail payment down to ten. The RiverClan queen had a way with words and she always had her ways with toms. Silverstream took the receipt with a wink and padded over to her table. Her gorgeous silver pelt shimmered in the sunset that streamed through the window.

Millie watched her husband's ex sit elegantly by herself. She didn't need a tom to _look _complete.

"Ahem," Ravenpaw tapped her

Millie broke from her malice-laced thoughts and came up with an idea. "Sorry, Ravenpaw. I'd look to order a Moonflower Moon-Pie and a cup of your original roast coffee with extra cream and sprinkles." She purred. Knowing that Graystripe was home with Bumblestripe and Briarlight and that other kid Whatshername, she gave Ravenpaw a wink.

Millie was trying to flirt with Ravenpaw just like Silverstream had. The former kittypet she-cat always felt like she had to compete with Silverstream. True, Graystripe had stayed with her all these moons, but the mouse-brained tom seemed to care more about her kits than their kits!

"That'll... be..." Ravenpaw looked around the cafe and back at Millie. She was batting her eyes at him and her lips had a new coat of lip-stick. "That'll be six mouse-tails."

"You know, I think we both know that you could lower that down a little." Millie meowed seductively.

"Ravenpaw ain't gonna do that for you," Icecloud murmured from behind the register, her white paw in a fist hitting her other palm.

Millie sighed. She pawed over the six mouse-tails and dropped a few in the tip jar. She would never compare to Silverstream. She was funny, smart, Clan-born... Hal! The little tabby's father was Crookedstar himself! How could Millie ever compete with that? Silverstream somehow got the store manager to drop the prices for her.

She took the receipt and plopped herself down in the first chair her paws found.

"Hello, Millie,"

Millie groaned. She looked out the window. In the reflection, she saw two she-cats. Both are silver and black striped tabbies with bright blue eyes. She even catches Silverstream's gaze in the window. They both looked at each other's reflections.

Why did both of Graystripe's mates look almost alike? Millie could only think that Graystripe married her because she looked like Silverstream minus the glossy sleek fur, sharp claws, and untorn ear. How could Silverstream get her way with Ravenpaw and Millie couldn't?

"Why can't I be like you?" Millie wailed, putting a paw on her reflection.

"Millie," Silverstream growled. "Don't talk like that; Graystripe loves you."

"But he's _in _love with _you_!" She muttered helplessly. "He says your name in his sleep, he kept every photo of you, and he just loves you more... Briarlight and the fact that I can't get a job is why he's staying."

Silverstream sighed through her nose. Why couldn't Millie be like her? "We're not seeing each other secretly you know. Even if he did love me, I wouldn't take him back. I broke up him. He only had the decency to come over to my house for a little bit, and he never sent me any texts or messages. And he finally moved in when the kits were born, but he wasn't helping at all!"

Millie looked up as Silverstream complained about Graystripe. It made her feel better. Finally, Ravenpaw summoned the two tabbies over and handed them trays. But Millie suddenly found herself not wanting to eat or drink anything.

Silverstream's tray had ice-tea, thrush wings, chocolates, and fish filets. "How do you keep yourself so lean?" Millie asked her softly.

"I swim a lot," The queen shrugged.

The sat back down and Millie watched her rage with satisfaction. "I felt dead because he ignored me so much," Silverstream continued. "So I dumped him. He didn't even seem to care. He went straight back to Firestar's house and partied until he, well,"

"Got lazy and became a kittypet." Millie finished for her. "I knew I never should have done a blind marriage! I didn't know what I was getting into when I met him. He still goes and parties with other cats and never helps around the house."

"Neither did I," Silverstream sighed. "Hey, let's expose him on the kitternet."

Suddenly, Cherrypaw came over to them with her phone. "#Graystripeisabaddad."

"Thanks, Cherrypaw," Millie smiled. "Can we get a photo of him and draw a moostash?"

"And write philosophical article on why Graystripe and other fathers of the Clans should help with their children?" Silverstream tipped her head and sipped her ice-tea. "I bet Tigerstar wouldn't have turned out so evil."

"And maybe Hal would still be alive," Yellowfang chimed in from a table near them. She was rubbing her old, sore back from when Sweetpaw pushed her into the cookie display case.

"Hey," Silverstream noticed something. "Maybe the Bad Feline Father League will accept Graystripe?"

"Yeah, the requirements are leaving your kits, letting them join strange cats in the mountains, and paying only half of the required kit-support," Silverstream scrolled down the page of the B.F.F.L. on Cherrypaw's phone.

* * *

"You have been accepted as a B.F.F.L.," A dark and sinister voice meowed from the other end of the phone.

"Who is this?" Graystripe mewed. "Oh... you're my new BFFL! Best friends for life!"


	6. Ravenpaw and Icecloud!

**Ravenpaw's** **Café**

_Icecloud_ _and_ _Ravenpaw_

* * *

"Well, it's closing time." Ravenpaw sighed tiredly. "It was a good day today."

"Yes." Icecloud agreed with a simple nod and answer.

She sighed quietly to herself. A patch of her white fur was stained by red 'ketchup' from earlier. Hal and his son Raggedstar had decided to have an evening brawl in the café. She looked down at the floor.

"Hey," he lifted her chin with a black paw. "You did good... with Hal and Raggedstar I mean."

Icecloud turned away from her manager and blushed.

"I can't believe you broke them up that easily." He laughed, cleaning down the counters with an old rag.

Naturally, it was Icecloud who had to kick dirty butts out of the store. Literally. When the kittypet and ShadowClan tom were ripping each other's fur out, Icecloud had to give them each a swift kick in the boingloins.

"You know," the black tom scrubbed at a tough coffee stain on the wooden counter. "I was thinking of hiring a new employee. Heathertail specifically."

"No!" Icecloud gasped, whipping around.

Her eyes were wide. Why would Ravenpaw hire another barista?! Like, #NoRavenpawdonthireanothershecatbecauseiminlovewithyoooouuuu! Her white fur was ruffled and her nose... her nose was touching his nose!

"Eek!" She backed up quickly, her pelt burning with embarrassment. She hadn't realize he was right next to her. "Sorry." She mumbled, holding herself and looking up t the ceiling.

Ravenpaw rubbed his shoulder awkwardly. "Well, why shouldn't I hire her?" He then put his paws on his hips, amber eyes looking at her questioningly.

"Because she's beautiful. Because she'll sweep you off your paws. Because I want you to myself. Because I love you." Icecloud didn't actually say that. She shrugged and said something else without looking at him: "I'll work harder. Ya don't need another she-cat 'round here."

"Okay, if you promise to work extra hard." Ravenpaw agreed, still wondering what what was up with her.

"Thanks, I will." Icecloud muttered, her blue eyes moistening for a moment. "But on one condition."

"I can't give you raise." The black-furred manager meowed instantly, padding away andchecking the stock shelves.

Icecloud mustered up her courage. "A date."

"A what? A date? Like a fig?" He hit his head on a shelf with a bang.

Icecloud didn't ask if he was alright; she was used to injuries in this profession now.

"No. I'd like to..." the tough she-cat had never been so nervous... so scared... "#yolo," she whispered to herself. Apparently it was something giddy apprentices said when they did something daring. "I want you to take me on a date. To Red Robinwing's or Burger Queen. Please."

Her heart raced as Ravenpaw rubbed his head in thought and pain. As employee and manager, they were set to a strict work code. No dating other cats in the workplace. It was a code meant to be more strict than even the medicine cat code. Apparently.

"Well, alright. But I'd actually like to take you somewhere else." Ravenpaw agreed casually.

Icecloud was expressionless as usual. She was the most excited she-cat in the world right now! Like her author, she can't express excitement, so in order to show how she feels she said, "I'm excited."

* * *

Hey guys! Hope your excited I'm doing a date for my favorite pairing! We all saw this coming right?

Anyway, Ravenpaw is taking Icecloud on a date somewhere. Suggest where, except Burger Queen or Red Robinwing's! Also, what will they be wearing? A gown and tux? Swim suits? Camo? What should they wear, eh? Alsoooo... submit your favorite pairings, crack or canon or whatever, and thy might be there in the next chater!


	7. Stonefur and Heavystep

Ravepaw's Cafe

_Heavystep and Stonefur_

* * *

"Okay, Heavystep, the first step to losing wait is picking something healthy off the menu." The stone-colored tom explained to the old tabby.

"Something healthy... How about some flamin' hot thrush wings?" The thick-set tom suggested.

"No," The torn-eared warrior Stonefur shook his head. "How about the Sorreltail salad? It's low calorie."

"I was meant for eatin' meats, not plants!" Heavystep complained.

The gray-furred warrior put a paw to his forehead. He was helping the old tabby try to lose weight. Leopardstar promised she would change Heavystep's name to something nicer like Heronwing or Troutclaw or at least anything better than Heavystep. Even Bigfoot would do. All he had to do was lose a little weight and get rid of that problem area around his belly.

"What can I do you for you, Stonefur?" The black coffee shop manager, Ravenpaw, asked as the pair shuffled up to the front of the line.

"Two sorrell salads." Stonefur asked, fishing mouse-tails from his pocket.

Heavystep stood on his tip-toes and peered over Stonefur's broad shoulders. "And a basket of roasted foxlegs!"

"No," the tabby's personal health-trainer said. "Fox meat is high is fat and sodium." Stonefur turned back to Ravenpaw. "Two cups of puddle water, please."

"That's four mouse-tails." The loner said, watching curiously as Heavystep crawled around on the floor and reaching his paw up to steal a hawk wing from Bumblestripe's table. "It'll only be a moment."

"Heavystep!" Stonefur dropped a tail in the tip jar, took the receipt and padded over to the tom who sat by Bumblestripe's legs eating a stolen wing.

"I can't help it!" The tabby yowled.

Stonefur sighed and crocuhed down, looking under the table. "It's okay, Heavystep. I asked a friend to come and meet with us."

"Who is it?" Heavystep took another bite of the hawk wing.

"You'll see. But you need to stop eating that!" The gray tom smacked the food from Heavystep's paws. It landed on the ground, splattering juices everywhere. Stonefur flinched as Dovewing's pretty rhinestone sandles were spotted with food bits.

Then Stonefur apologized to Dovewing and Bumbletripe as the two toms rose from under the table. The couple nearly lost all of their fur when Heavystep and Stonefur came up.

Stonefur led Heavystep to a table. He didn't think he needed to tell Dovewing about her shoes. Suddenly, a lean WindClan she-cat stepped through the shop's door.

It was a beautiful light tortieshell she-cat. Her amber eyes fluttered in recognition as she spotted Stonefur and Heavystep by the window.

"Good day, Heavystep." Morningflower mewed as she took a seat.

"I need to lose weight," Heavystep sighed.

"No really?" Stonefur growled, wishing he could just take his claws and peel of the fat hanging down from the old tom's belly.

Morningflower closed her eyes and put her paw out to Stonefur in a 'talk-to-the-paw' fashion. "You need to shut your face for a moment Stonefur."

The gray tom growled and padded away to Ravepaw who had called out to him.

"Heavystep, I was once a very chubby she-cat." The pretty queen meowed.

"You? Chubby?" The tabby gasped.

Morningflower nodded. "Yes, I was. I was very heavy after I had kits. I didn't do much in the nursery in WindClan's camp."

"How did you lose it all?" Heavystep asked.

"Some laps around the moors." Morningflower explained, shrugging casually. "I made sure to eat only healthy foods."

Heavystep sighed. "You're much nicer than Stonefur,"

The queen smiled shyly. "Well, I'm not your fitness trainer I'm dietician."

"Did you say the 'd' word?" He squeaked in horror, his tabby-striped fur bristling.

"Hal yes. I'm your DIETICIAN!" She mewed. "And we'll start with some positive reinforcement!"

* * *

"Let's say I offer you a roasted fox-leg and a bowl full of juniper berries." Morningflower tipped her head down as she spoke to the old RiverClan tom. "Which would you choose?"

Heavystep scratched at the green point of the table. He shifted around uncomfortablely. Stonefur and the WindClan queen stared at him waiting for him to answer.

"Is there a correct choice?" He asked sheepishly.

"#YES!" Cherrypaw piped up from across the café.

Heavystep gulped. "Well..." The fox-legs are ten times tastier but one bite gives a cat type three diabetes! The juniper berries are nasty little guys but they are tremendously healthy and a pawful would flatten his belly in only a few meals. The answer was as clear as Silverpelt. "The fox-leg."

"WRONG!" The deputy battered the old cat with huge gray paws. "YOU'RE. SO. STUPID!" Stonefur growled, slapping the elder relentless.

"Everycat quiet!" Ravenpaw hissed, pointing up at a TV in the corner.

The three cats and everyone else in the café shutted their faces and looked up.

"This is Reporter Darkstripe on the scene." A dark-striped tom in a dashing fedora meows on the TV, holding a microphone thing in his paws. "We have breaking news that a tomcat named Stonedface was seen beating up an elder in this building here."

The camera zooms up into the sign that says "Ravenpaw's Café".

Stonefur's jaw dropped. He looked outside the window. Darkstripe was blabbing words that matched with the cat in the TV.

The cameracat, Clawface, then zoomed up into the window of the store.

Darkstripe pointed at Stonefur through the glass. "If you see this cat, arrest him at once."

Stonefur stared agape at the TV and at the camera outside. Suddenly, the screens were filled with Cherrypaw.

"OMG, someone just kitted on Kitter that my warrior name is, like, Cherryfall and, like, I'm being shipped with, like, Benny." She waved her paws at the camera. "Who the Hal is Benny?!"

* * *

a/n: Ha, I update after six moons and it isn't Ravenpaw's and Icecloud's date. Heh heh.


End file.
